Recap Of The Pain I Felt
by sydneysages
Summary: Amelie met Sam... she looks back at the pain she caused herself all those years ago and realises her love - R&R! Cute and a little sad.


**One shot – the history between Amelie and Sam**

**You can probably understand this if you are just reading but if not, it fits with 'The Changes We Go Through To Become Ourselves' and fits in with chapter 56:**

**Some of the events in here are my own so don't flame!**

**I don't own anything!**

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_I, Amelie Glass, need to let out my emotions here to let me move on from this cage I am trapped in at the moment. So here it is, from the beginning:_

_I was the Founder of Morganville. Nobody approached me, for fear of death or persecution – I didn't exactly make myself inviting to the humans. Or the vampires, for that matter. Still, I didn't care – that was what I wanted, to not be bothered by menial little problems of the normal people. That was before I met Samuel Glass._

_I was in the church, praying as I always did, and he emerged from nowhere. Nobody had the right to attack him because we were in a neutral place – almost the only neutral place of the time, given Common Grounds wasn't yet formed. He began shouting at me, saying I needed to learn to control my vampires because they attacked his fiancée and almost killed her. I found myself so attracted to his forcefulness, his mission to get what he wanted: protection for Melissa. I told him that as long as he became mine, body and soul, she would never be harmed. He also wanted equal rights for humans, but that would have been going too far, and would never have happened._

_So he became mine. But I never asked for a single thing, besides the blood I needed – how rich and sweet it was – because I was already falling for him. I know, a vampire (me – just me is enough of an explanation) falling for a human! But not any single human, oh no, trust me to fall for the one that was engaged. _

_Within half a year, he was wed and she was expecting a baby. Of course, now, there was absolutely no chance of my fantasies of us becoming true: I began to learn to live with that and tried to return to normal, not showing anyone I cared about anyone. Of course I did – I knew, and still do, every single person's name in the town. But I couldn't: every single day my mind drifted to Sam, even though with Myrnin ill and the disease, I knew I had so much more pressing issues on my mind than a human who would die someday. So I kept my distance, not trusting myself to be near to him._

_I heard that he had a son and wanted to wish them my congratulations. But then I heard that his wife had died in childbirth – how awful would that be, to go and end up upsetting him further, me a vampire in his house with no wife! So, again, I stayed away for many a week. From my townspeople, I heard that he was a recluse: drinking daily, not working, leaving his son with his parents._

_One night, when the boy was left with Sam, I decided, for at least the son's sake, I ought to go over there and talk some sense into him. That's the excuse I told myself, however. I knew that I just wanted to see him, even just to comfort him as… not a friend but just someone who cared._

_So I headed through the portal and gave him the shock of his life. I realised, later, that I had taken him into a confidence that very few people in Morganville know about – the portal system. I saw the fear in his eyes, the emotion coming off him in waves, and I knew he thought I was there to kill him. the baby was crying, so I walked over to him and smiled – immediately he stopped crying. As a human, although I was a princess, I always had an affinity with children and could stop them crying always. He relaxed then, knowing that if I had any humanity, I wouldn't leave a child parentless. _

_Somehow, I have no idea how as he was so resistant, I managed to get him to stop drinking, to return to work, to bond with his son. At first, I dropped in to make sure he was ok (well that was the way I made it seem) until we began to have deep, meaningful conversations. I could see he was still deeply upset about Melissa's death, but I didn't try and force a relationship – if anything would happen, it would have to be natural._

_Soon, I dropped the pretence of checking up on him – this became the highlight of my day, seeing Sam. I left my bodyguards, coming alone and enjoyed the time with him. I knew his feelings for me were changing, but I never pushed anything or my feelings – he had to feel it as well for it to work._

_A year passed since Melissa died, and finally, he asked me out. How quaint it must have looked to anyone else – me, the most important vampire in the world, dating a lowly human who was my property. But when I had this time with Sam, I began to mellow from the ice-queen mantra I showed the rest of the world: even with others, after I was with him, I was 'normal'._

_We went to a beautiful restaurant, and somehow in there, we ended up declaring our love for one another. Finally, I could express the feelings I had been holding in for over two years, almost since we had met. Someone then burst into the restaurant, a human. I snorted as he brandished a gun – it could do me no harm. I waved my bodyguard forwards, but just then the person fired a bullet. Sam, the idiot, jumped over the table and took the bullet for me… silly, silly man – it wouldn't have hurt me. But it could certainly hurt him. he was bleeding, almost dead, and I felt so much pain it was unreal. I couldn't cope without him, I realised… just as he was almost gone, I made the decision to change him. I asked him, as he lay in my arms, and he agreed, but I knew that he didn't realise what he was saying._

_I changed him, almost entirely draining him. not that there was that much blood left – he had been bleeding that much. Still, when he arose from the pain he wanted to kill the man but I knew that he would not want to kill a single person. So I found him some blood bags and carted the man off._

_I knew that he was beginning to regret his decision: he stays alive, but at this terrible cost. I knew that he thought that now he was a vampire, he was good enough for me, that we could be together. And nobody knows just how much I wanted that as well. But I couldn't be with him – it was too dangerous and I don't know, I just couldn't. _

_I stayed with him for his first week of vampirism and helped him through it, but then I broke it off. I knew that he hated me for turning him into this thing, that he despised me underneath. But I also thought that once he got to know me, he would realise that I am nothing special whatsoever. I thought that he would leave me after a while, so I broke things off to protect my heart from getting broken. Little did I know that breaking things off would just make everything so so much worse for my heart._

_I told the other vampires that he was a social experiment, to see about company and vampires… I can' remember exactly what I said, I was that heartbroken. Later, I wanted to return and ask for forgiveness from him, but I couldn't go back on my word – it would make me seem weak._

_So for 50 years, I suffered along and he did, trying to see me every year but I never accepted. I couldn't – I would only want him more. So, to protect my absentee, STUPID heart, I let my soulmate, the one that I love forever and more, so much that it hurts to love him almost. How stupid was I? _

_I wish I could take back those 50 years. But I can't. yet I still need to move on from this, I need to be with Sam NOW, to make up for all that time. So Amelie, you stupid woman, let go of the past, relinquish the pain and move onto the present… and what's more, the future!_

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**Bit of a random oneshot (the ending works a lot better if you read the Claire/Myrnin story I write so you will understand it so much better) but please review anyway!**

**Vicky xx**


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